A Pastor's Wife...

I have been involved in youth ministry for about 7 years now and the wife of a youth pastor for a little over 6 years. I never wanted to be a pastor's wife (or PW as some lady once told me), but never say never because it always happens anyway. I have no wisdom about youth ministry. I have no wisdom about being a pastor's wife. What I do have is 6 years of experience and this is my "advice":

A few months ago Mike was teaching a class on youth ministry and he had me come in and talk with his class about being a pastors wife. Below is my outline from this class:

Frustrations in ministry (being the wife):

· Always being watched

o How do I deal with it? I try living a life that pleases God and no one else.

o Example: “Inappropriate Clothing”

· Church members always wanting you to volunteer for everything

o I learned this early on. You need to know when to say “No”

o Example: People ask me a lot of times to do things that don’t fit in with my “sweet spot” (Girl Student Leaders, Video/Technology)

· People always assuming that you know everything that is going on in the youth ministry

o In a small church and youth ministry you probably will know what’s going on all the time, but any time you get over a ministry of thirty or more most likely you can’t know everything

o Example: Guys Game Night (not going to know what’s going on at this)

Positives in Ministry:

• My Involvement
• How lucky that God knew exactly where I would be in ministry 8 years ago when He told me I was going to work with students?
• Being married to a pastor helps me to be involved on a deeper level in youth ministry then a lot of other volunteers (I get to be in the know before a lot of other people)

Things to make sure to ask when interviewing at a church:

· What do you see as the responsibility of the youth pastor’s wife?

· What are your expectations?

· Am I required to be a volunteer in youth ministry? (The answer should be: No! You need to find the place God has in mind for you!)

Balancing Marriage and Ministry (What Do We Do?):

• Date Night
• Day Off
• Your day off is your day off, whether it’s Monday or Wednesday or any other day of the week. You need to take time to relax and NOT deal with anything at church, unless it’s absolutely necessary (ie. the church is on fire)
• Boundaries
• There have to be boundaries in ministry. You need to take the time to put God first and then your family. Your ministry is Important, but not so important that you neglect other areas of your life

Conclusion: Being the wife of a youth pastor (or a pastor) can be difficult, stressful and hard at times but doing ministry together is what counts and who better to do ministry with than someone you love and who gets you?

I don't know if any pastors wives read this, but if you do I hope this can be helpful to you, especially if you are just starting out in your marriage. If any pastors read this always encourage your wife in what they do in ministry whether it's with youth, children or singing in the praise band and show them this to let them know they aren't alone.

I love youth ministry!